91. Trials & Temptations

In the book of James Chapter 1 verse 12 it reads

¹²Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

DA Carson repeats the above as the goal of the Christian when we are struggling under trial. For a while I have been meditating on this verse. Why I should remain joyful even though everything seemed to fall apart everywhere. I have been scratching my head over this but just yesterday – everything just came together.

²Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (NIV)

Face trials & temptations I will, though it might not be the same as my sisters & brothers. Steadfast, endurance or perseverance is seen as the product of testing and the necessary ingredient that goes into spiritual maturity. Hence if we cherish the thought of being spiritually mature, we will value the virtue of perseverance. We will recognise that even we are going through things that this is for our good.

Earlier I mentioned about ‘everything falling apart’. Your trials may not be the same as mine that I know but we must remember temptations does not come from God for he cannot sin & knows no desire to sin and so he cannot to tempt you. Temptation is like a calling, the desire to sin calls out you and breaks you to succumb. All of us have a choice, we always do. To walk away or to give in to sin – You do want you want to do. Jesus did not try saved everyone but only those who choose to follow him. It’s all freewill. What will you choose to do?

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A while ago, I was feeling bitter about a repeating issue. Without extinguishing this worry, another avalanche came. My seas once calm felt rough and unpredictable. Over the week, I had time to go through my thoughts on another island. I mulled over the reasons what kept me where I was. And the Holy Spirit revealed something to me – Toxic Relationships.

“Alaska my child, you have been harbouring toxic relationships all these while. In order for Me to help you, you have to let them go. Will you let them go? This is your choice my child. My love will surround you, do not fear.”

I was taken back. My dear sisters have always been nagging at my to shut out images, memories, names etc. Yet I did not have the courage to do it. However I woke up this Saturday morning, with a blocked nose & hacking cough, I had never felt so calm and clear since the beginning of 2009. God had my toxic relationships removed in such a painful way – I should be thankful yet I was bitter before. What had gotten over me???

Then I recalled my journey of filling up my own wine cup. I was joyful, contented and patient. Yet with the turn of a wrong foot, I found myself not only with an empty wine cup, I became such a sad person who knows no joy in what she does.

With the removal of certain toxic relationships, I am will on my way to fill my wine cup every time I grow with the grace of God. Reading the bible and be refreshed in his guidance.

I pray for those whose wine cups have been emptied dry and lacking the courage to seek for answers. In the same chapter of the Book of James, verse 5, God’s answer is there.

⁵If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

Dear brothers & sisters, His grace is bountiful and it will be given to you when you ask for it. Hence, be brave to ask for help from our Father. In Jesus name, amen.

90. Relevations & Symbols

Random: I had a amazing dream last night and when I woke up I decided to equate Desmond & Kelvin together. HAHA! “Be the woman I should be huh?”

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Was reading the last chapter of the bible, relevations, in the office on a Saturday morning. what is hard to digest are the symbols and numbers they use to respresent people, the serpent, things and even Christ. As I was reading , I shudder at the presence of wormwood, depicted as calamity & sorrow. The symbolism of the number 7. The apostle John’s letters to the 7 churches of Asia Minor.

What is to come? Will we put down our indifference & loveless heart to repent? Pray I have the strength & heart like the Church of Philadephia.

I definitely felt challenged reading the last chapter & study notes. Growing with His Word is so comforting (:

89. DMS

I thought I locked those memories in a box and threw away the key. I just wanna say this to you Kelvin, “You still look as gorgeous as ever and your smile still reminds me to strive to be the woman I should be.”

I’m glad you’ve abandoned your floppy ben adam’s hairstyle over the years. You will always look hunky to me =) Thank you for being in my motivation circle – even tho’ you never knew you played such an important role in my life.

I bet I’d laugh my head off if I see one of our old spsu photos but that will definitely bring back sweet GL memories =)

88. Agradecido (Thankful)

Dear God, with Your grace and my friends’ constant prayers, I’ve definitely came a long way. Feel so much lighter now. =D I stumbled upon something (ive deleted it) in my SD card, I suppose I saved it while I was traveling. During my last days in Cambodia, I was sitting alone in front on the hostel’s bar overwhelmed by sadness. Am baring my heart and sharing this with You – I am never strong, I am always in need of Your wisdom and grace, Your protection and Your guidance and power to resist temptation.

I will learn that for some, there can be no love or of any sort. For they do not have us in their hearts. Come end of 2009, there will be another surprise. It will determine how much of  “alaska” is left. Shd the promise not be delivered, I will give it up and they shall be lost forever. Will never ask for it anymore. Hate it that it has to sound like a business proposition. But its the truth and it is what I have to accept. Hence for now, I ask for patience and peace in my heart.

come end 2009. 2010 will be another new beginning! New resolutions to make! November is coming coming coming! YAY!

8*. Something Random

I sat down on my bed last night and thought deep.

If God wants me to serve him with a single heart, could I give everything up?

87. There are…

veracruzian shore

There are things I wished I did but I cant now because I don’t have the power to turn back time.

There are friends whom had to say goodbye and perhaps never to see them again anymore. I do not know how to contact them even tho’ I wanted sooooo much to.

There are times when my eyes want to capture those very moments and burn them to memory. sadly, those memories become colourless and fuzzy as time goes by.

There are people whom I need to forgive to move on.

There are tears I will cry when I miss you.

There are music which will remind me of everything but will only leave me in sorrow.

There are holidays when I used to spend with a loved one but he will no longer stand beside me anymore.

There are days when I wished I would be able to runaway from here.

There are smells which still make my head turn and leaving me to wonder who wore that cologne before.

There are arms whose hugs I wished lingered longer.

There are words i wished  you would whisper once more but you won’t tell me to my face.

There are prayers I pray so fervently every night yet I know God has His plans.

There are moments when I asked myself: what on earth am I here for? But I hear no answer.

There are lessons in life I must learn in order to understand why it happened.

There is work I must finish now before I proceed with another.

There is a love people tell me it exist but I don’t know whether I believe them anymore.

There are nights I will write things like these and forget abt them later.